Caring For Yourself, Happy Family, Q+A

Q+A: Dropping Mom-Guilt

It’s our second Q+A video and this one is about mom-guilt. And I had been thinking… what do I have to say NO to, in order to drop mom-guilt. I talk about that here!

Hope you enjoyed our second video Q+A video! These videos will be quick, informal, straight-to-the-point, and delivered in 3-ish minutes. Easily digestible answers to your important questions, one at a time!

Have a question about parenting, self-care, finding more happiness in your life? Follow me on Instagram @thathappymom and stay tuned for the next question roundup!

Dropping Mom-Guilt

Goal-Setting, Happy Habits

4 Happy Habits I Should Work On (But Won’t)

Many of us have that list — whether it’s formally written, journaled out over time, or jostling around in our heads. We hold a list of things we should change, or try, or do to make our lives easier, happier, and/or healthier.

But is that Should Do list helping? Or is it just taking up much-needed mental resources and energy? I have a Should Do list, but recently decided to let go of most of it… for now. So let’s say goodbye together to my shoulds, shall we?

  1. I should stop swearing. I know, it’s hard to imagine that a hand-sewing, all-things-BBC consuming, essential oil using, wannabe yogi is over here swearing like a teenager who just decided swearing sounds cool. But I do. I swear. I have tried to NOT swear 1000 times. But I’m now coming to terms with the fact that my heart isn’t in this goal. So until it is, I’ll be dropping the occasional f- and s-bombs. Not in front of your kids though!
  2. I should try to put myself together before leaving the house. Well, I actually WANT to do this one, but I won’t anytime soon. Time is precious to me and between maximizing playtime, downtime, and working on my handmade business, I don’t leave much time for getting my kids ready to get out the door, let alone myself. One day I’ll wear mascara and maybe a lip color again. For now, “natural mom getting sh*t done” is my look. (OMG I just swore again!)
  3. I should buy a quality piece of art to hang over the fireplace. Another one I have to shelve. If only so I don’t waste energy and time obsessesing over art pieces that I can’t realistically get for a few years. Our house still feels very new-to-us and there are tubs to replace and porches to repair, a driveway to re-pave and drain. Art will have to wait for some more foundational things to be put in place. But we’ll get there.
  4. I should learn to garden. I am embarrassed to admit this. It may ruin any woo-woo Earth cred you may have assumed I have, but I have an irrational disgust of bugs. So gardening al fresco is a source of panic for me. I want to get over the disgust so that I can plant more with my girls and landscape our yard. But this is something best left to the professionals for another year at least.

You guys, taking things off my “Should Do” list has made me one million times lighter. It doesn’t mean I’ll never get to these things, but it does mean they are no longer taking up my energy and mind space right now. What shoulds can you drop now to make space for what is important to you today?

Let me know in the comments below! Or over on Instagram or Facebook!

And if you haven’t already, and you want help planning out a goal to make your life happier today, check out my TOTALLY FREE Happy Habits Workbook to start making the happy life you want today! This workbook will also help you drop those shoulds and concentrate on what will make YOU happy today!

4 Happy Habits I Should Work On (But Won't)

 

Caring For Yourself, Happy Family

Go Away Big Hairy Guilt Monster

There has been a lot of talk about guilt in my conversations with you via email, messages, Instagram, and Facebook. And the only thing I absolutely know about guilt is that we feel it ALL THE TIME!

We feel guilty about screen time, snack choices, lack of sleep, taking a look at our phones for 5 minutes while our toddler plays in front of us, taking a little time for ourselves, not taking a little time for ourselves, being cranky that one time, that time we let our kid test her boundaries on the wall and she fell off, that time we helicoptered in and didn’t let him manage that social interaction on his own. So much guilt is paired with our mom-choices.

Go Away Big Hairy Guilt Monster

But what’s with all the guilt? Why are we constantly being chased by guilt and simultaneously feeding it? What if we just stop feeding the guilt monster? Will it stop chasing us looking for food?

I say we stand our ground and tell this guilt monster to go away!

It isn’t serving us. Is it? Well maybe a little bit. The guilt I felt immediately after I shouted at my kid a month ago did serve me. I should have felt guilty. That was a totally crappy way to react to a crying 5 year-old. But now a month later? What is that guilt still doing here now? I apologized and explained that I was absolutely wrong. We talked it out. She moved on. But that guilt whispers in my ear, “Remember that time you shouted?

I don’t need guilt to stand guard. I don’t need guilt to keep me from shouting at my kids. I work hard every single day to keep from shouting because I don’t like people shouting at me, I’m not a shouty person, and it just feels wrong and nonsensical to me. So what is the guilt still doing here?

I’m not sure just yet. But it’s got to go.

Not over to you! Just down a long road to nowhere else. Because I don’t need guilt in my life. And I suspect neither do you! I’m trying my best, I’m busting my bottom for my kids’ happiness, health, wellbeing. I’m doing the best I can plus a little bit more. And that HAS to be enough because it is all I have. And there is just no more room for guilt.

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